Random Word Wednesday V

 Time for Random Word Wednesday V.  WAY better than Rocky V!  Here we go!


Ray

Ray Stevens: America's answer to Paul McCartney.

Harold Ray Ragsdale (which is an awesome name in its own right) was born in Clarksdale, Georgia on January 24, 1939 - but rather than give the, you know, upright, Wikipedia definition of the man I thought I'd go a little more abstract than that.  Working long hours at CAA I find that he really does help me make it through the night.  After all, he's a phenomenal songwriter that's won two Grammies over his career, so it's O.k. to get a little misty thinking about it.  I mean, when he's not going for the cheap, Benny Hill style gags, he has a real knack for showing how everything is beautiful, regardless.  At the same time though, I find it difficult to reconcile The Mississippi Squirrel Revival Ray, say, Osama Yo Mama Ray.  Also that whole Obama Budget Plan thing.  Well, I guess the streak of Tea Party that's running through the States right now, which is neither hither nor yon.  I will say this: I'm 31.  He was induced into the Nashville Songwriter's Hall of Fame the year I was born and he has been active, producing new material, and popular ever since.  And feistier every year.  So good on you Ray!  Or Harry.  Eh, I dunno.  Unnecessary pseudonyms...  I could do a whole article about that alone.


Speciality

And how old is 31?  Old enough that this brings back fond memories.

O.k.  Let's see if I can remember their names without looking it up...  Going left to right: Jodi the night cleaner, Sam Krenshaw the security guard (a puppet), Jeff the magical manikin, and Muffie the mouse (also a puppet).  Lots of alteration there.  Was I right..?  Ha!  Not bad.  I just spelled "Jodie" and "Crenshaw" wrong.  Otherwise, perfect.  Why?  Because I watched a lot of Today's Special with I was a little kid.  It was a TVOntario show that I, uh, somehow saw in Saskatchewan as a kid.  I forget what channel it was on, but it was on from 1982 to 1987 and was a kid's show about this manikin that came to life when he a) was wearing this hat and b) when you said the magical words "hocus pocus alimagocus".  Hmm...  My spell checker's going crazy right now.  Anyway, so if his hat fell off he'd turn back into a manikin, or if he left the store he'd turn back into a manikin permanently.  Ooo...  The neat part about this was that he's not a man that got turned into a manikin, but rather a manikin that got turned into a man, so he doesn't know a whole lot about the world at all.  Through his friends he laughs and learns and has adventures and yearns to be human himself, not unlike Data from Star Trek.  Beyond being a good show, it was an interesting show and for that, hat's off.  ...!  Oh no!  Jeff!  Aww, I didn't mean it literally...


Hint

Ah, Caravaggio...  No one did ambiguous portraits of young men touching each other better.

And without any further ado, here is a grand list of the various forms of predicting the future.

 Alectromancy: by observation of a rooster pecking at grain. (I think I'd get bored of that real fast.)
Astrology: by the movements of celestial bodies. (I predict that the sun will rise in the morning.)
Astromancy: by the stars. (I also predict that the stars will come out at night.)
Augury: by the flight of birds. (Ostriches need not apply.)
Bazi or four pillars: by hour, day, month, and year of birth. (Aristotle debunked this one.)
Bibliomancy: by books; frequently, but not always, religious texts. (Jack Van Impe: Bibliomancer.)
Cartomancy: by playing cards, tarot cards, or oracle cards. (And Moses said: The dealer shall hold at 17.)
Ceromancy: by patterns in melting or dripping wax. (Ruining birthday cakes for centuries.)
Cheiromancy: by the shape of the hands and lines in the palms. (As pictured above.)
Chronomancy: by determination of lucky and unlucky days. (Looks like a case of the Mondays.)
Clairvoyance: by spiritual vision or inner sight. (Phencyclidine does not count.)
Cleromancy: by casting of lots, or casting bones or stones. (Aka. a craps table.)
Cold reading: by using visual and aural clues. (Crossing Over with John Edward.)
Crystallomancy: by crystal ball also called scrying. (Pretty cliché if you ask me.)
Extispicy: by the entrails of animals. (Ask your butcher about your mutual fund portfolio today!)
Face Reading: by means of variations in face and head shape. (Hint: You're ugly.)
Feng shui: by earthen harmony. (Coffee tables: the key to spiritual well-being.)
Gastromancy: by stomach-based ventriloquism. (.........  Ew.)
Geomancy: by markings in the ground, sand, earth, or soil. (I think those there are tractor tire tracks...)
Haruspicy: by the livers of sacrificed animals. (With onions.)
Horary astrology: the astrology of the time the question was asked. (Venus hears you.  Venus don't care.)
Hydromancy: by water.  (Talk about getting soaked.)
I Ching divination: by yarrow stalks or coins and the I Ching. (This one's kind of neat, actually.)
Kau cim: by means of numbered bamboo sticks shaken from a tube. (Oh, dominoes!)
Lithomancy: by stones or gems. (Hint: diamonds are a gal's best friend.  And forever, too.)
Necromancy: by the dead, or by spirits or souls of the dead. (Yep.  He's dead alright.)
Numerology: by numbers. (I thought Jim Carrey was great in The Number 23!)
Oneiromancy: by dreams. (Which result in wet dreams when combined with hydromancy.)
Onomancy: by names. (If you name your kid "Bubba"...)
Palmistry: by lines and mounds on the hand. (Again, see the picture above.)
Paper fortune teller: origami used in fortune-telling games.  (It's like elementary school all over again.)
Pendulum reading: by the movements of a suspended object. (Raffi Torres, for example.)
Pyromancy: by gazing into fire. (I predict arson charges.)
Rhabdomancy: divination by rods. (Rod Stewart need not apply.)
Runecasting or Runic divination: by runes. (Yeah, I don't think that'll work.)
Scrying: by looking at or into reflective objects. (Hint: You're still ugly.)
Spirit board: by planchette or talking board. (Oh Ouiji Boards.  When will you learn?)
Taromancy: by a form of cartomancy using tarot cards. (I never understood this one.)
Tasseography or tasseomancy: by tea leaves or coffee grounds. (At least you get a drink out of the deal!)


Master

I can smell the azaleas now.

Now, as you read this, be sure to listen to this mandatory accompanying music.  The Masters is a weird, weird thing in professional sport.  First off, I want to say that it is Mecca for golfers and quite possibly the most pure golf tournament every year.  It's been held at the Augusta National Golf Club, Established 1933, in Augusta, Georgia since 1934.  The greatest golfers (amateur, professional, and senior) from around the world are invited here during the first full week of April every year.  The azaleas are just in bloom (usually) and the event marks the start of spring for many sports fans.  One of its idiosyncrasies is that it hands out the green jacket every year to the winner, which is placed on the current winner's shoulders by the previous year's winner.  But now I'm out of nice things to say about it.  Up until 1982, (1982, mind you) co-founder Clifford Roberts credo was in place: "As long as I'm alive, golfers will be white, and caddies will be black."  Now, this is 1982.  Jackie Robinson signed with the Montréal Royals in 1945.  If that's not bad enough, the club refused to admit black players all the way up until 1990.  And if that's not bad enough, to this day they refuse to admit female members.  It mystifies me how there isn't a boycott/backlash over this nonsense.  Great golf, terrible club.

 
Spoiling

You'll have to imagine the flames and screaming.

Every once in a while one is reminded just how gruesome human history is.  For example, the Battle of Spoiling Dyke.  It took place at Trumpan Church in Scotland in 1578.  It was a battle between the feuding MacDonald and MacLeod clans.  The MacDonalds march up to this church and in the middle of a service bar the doors so no one can get out and then proceed to set the place ablaze.  No one escaped alive except one girl who sounded the alarm just before she perished.  Once the MacLeods heard of this atrocity, they embarked to do battle with those scoundrels and sure enough the MacDonalds were there didn't know what hit them.  The MacDonalds present at the battle were wiped out by the MacLeods, their bodies were dragged into a turf dyke, and that was that.  The sad thing was that the MacDonalds set fire to the church to make up for a similar attrocity that was afforded to them by the MacLeods.  War never changes, I guess.


Drag

Hi ho silver!  Away!

The National Hot Rod Association was founded in the Great State of California by Wally Parks in 1951 to organize and oversee drag racing across North America.  Wally was an accomplished automobile writer and hobbyist.  He was also the co-founder and first editor of Hot Rod magazine, and he played an instrumental part in founding Motor Trend magazine, as well.  While Hot Rod magazine is still in publication to this day, Motor Trend has flourished over the years, spawning Motor Trend Classic and Truck Trend magazines, as well.  Motor Trend magazine also gives out annual awards (Motor Trend Car of the Year, etc.) which have been and continue to be highly coveted across the industry.  But back to drag racing.  Every year the NHRA gets together for "The Nationals", a series of twenty-two events to determine the best car-and-driver in the drag racing world.  In honour of the founder, the grand prize trophy handed handed out to each years winner is known as a "Wally".


Bus

The wheels on the bus go... fifteen feet in the air.

Until now I thought that the word "bus" was a variant of "buss".  That would make sense, because they're both vehicles of sorts.  A buss went on water and a bus goes on land.  Both carry live cargo, too.  A buss hauled fish and a bus hauls people.  So, it seems natural that that's where the word "bus" comes from.  Right?  Wrong.  Bus is short for "omnibus", which is Latin for "for all".  They were essentially a French invention.  Horse drawn omnibuses, or large carriages, drove people around Nantes as early as 1823.  Starting in 1905 the horse-drawn carriages started to get replaced by motorized carriages as the internal combustion engine started to catch on for the masses.  Now, the first school bus was actually a British invention.  It was another horse drawn carriage which made its debut in 1827 thanks to George Schillibeer for the Newington Academy for Girls in Stoke Newington NE of London.  It was designed to carry 25 girls.  I doubt that you could get a massive wheelie out of it, though.  That came much later.  And dumber.


Pudding

If you stare at this for a long time, like longer than 30 sec., you start to... never want pudding again.

So there's this Japanese product called "Giga Pudding".  It's a pudding product that's sorta this do-it-yourself thing where you put the milk and powder in this container, shake it, toss it in the fridge for a while and out comes the above pictured undulating monstrosity which is supposedly edible.  Anyway, so the heroes at 4chan got a hold of this product and this video and wouldn't you know it, chaos ensued.  It's funny how the internet can turn innocuous things into general debauchery.  Oh, and one last thing.  No pudding conversation is complete without Bill Cosby.


Snow

Ahh...  A good metaphor is hard to find.

Oh gawd!  It's June!  I don't wanna write about that!  So, in lieu of writing about snow, watch this video.  It does... sorta involve snow.  Sorta.  Frost, too.


Chasing

If I only had a nickel for every time I found myself in this exact same situation...

The coyote has been chasing the roadrunner since 1948!  1948!  Think about that for a minute.  That's, like...  ...  ...one, two, three, four...  uh... a long time!  The Cold War may have started, raged, wore out, and gave up the ghost in the meantime, but Wile E. Coyote continues the hunt, chasing the road runner from Winnipeg to Phoenix to Quebec City...  Oh, those are different Coyotes.  My mistake.  In my defense, it's an easy mistake to make.  Both Coyote are chasing a futile dream, both need serious assistance to even come close, both have been hurting for a viewing audience lately and would kill for the kind of draw My Little Pony is getting, et cetera.  Now if Wile E. Coyote had Raffi Torres help, that bird might get tenderized pretty good when he's not looking.  He's got some free time right now, too.  Just saying.