Laugh With, Not At

Boy oh boy!  Gee whiz!  Holy Dinah!  Saints be spared!  Lord love a duck!  Santa Maria!  Zowie, what a neat week this has been in Canada.  Why I haven't been so engaged in federal politics since...

What a coincidence!  "Small Town Cheap" is my middle name, too!

This week has been high drama and I've been glued to the newspaper, the internet (at home, at work, on my phone), and even Twitter!  *gasp!*  This is just absolute high drama and the editorial board here at Raccoon Inc. would be beyond remiss into total journalistic negligence if we didn't report on this. 

First off, I'll hit the rewind button a bit to start off the narrative.

Refoooooooooooooorm!

As a young lad growing up in rural, small town Saskatchewan, there was something just entrancing about Preston Manning.  Finally!  Finally there was a federal political party in the west that would stand up to all those big meanies down east that used all of our tax dollars to make Toronto look nice, pave the streets of Ottawa with gold, placate those insatiable Quebeckers (who, by the way, seemed to at once be Prime Minister after Prime Minister after Prime Minister and all the while threatening to separate), and bailout all those no-good pogey sucking maritimers.  Finally the west had a voice and that voice was Mr. Manning.

...however, is Preston's voice the one that I really wanted speaking?  The older I got, the more I realized that this probably isn't the best idea.  I mean, he was the son of a Social Credit premier of Alberta and ran as a federal Social Credit MP, but failed.  ...  Social Credit?  I didn't even know what that meant.  Why, the last time they were ever heard of was...

There are smiles, there are politician's smiles, there's Jack Nicholson's Joker's smile, then there's Vander Zalm.

...and after him the party was a burning wreck, never to be spoken of again.  Honestly, to me, I don't mind economic conservatism, and I even have the odd libertarian leaning from time to time, but social conservatism as a characteristic is something that I would not consider to be a defining characteristic what it means to be a Canadian.  I think that at that point I was old enough to realize just what "social conservatism" really meant and what all of its implications were because when you're a kid while you understand the "us vs. them" of "west vs. east", the nuances of the complex social issues involved are too much for a middling teenager to grasp.  But when I was old enough, it was then that I fell out of love with Manning and reconnected with my one true love politically, the original Prairie crusader...

"Humanity First" is not the worst political slogan I've ever heard.

And then I felt better.

But anyway.  Back to this guy.

Say, now there's a pretty good campaign slogan, too!  I LIKE IT!

You know, deep down, I have a lot of respect for Manning.  I may not agree with a some (read: a lot) of his social conservative ideas, but an elected senate, accountability, transparency, the reformation of our electoral system, and a greater respect for the rights and freedoms of the individual are all concepts that I can get behind.  I remember watching a Sun News (read: "news") interview between Michael Coren and Preston, and in spite of Coren's goading, Preston states nice and clear that the public is really more concerned about economics than social issues.  Furthermore the remedies for social issues lie with individuals to champion and not with the state, i.e. the state should back off and leave individuals to pursue their lives privately.  If there is a facet of conservatism that I like, it's this.

Now let's flash forward to this week.


MONDAY

On Monday the Conservatives tabled Bill C-30, or the Lawful Access Act.  The bill was sponsored by the one and only...

Geez, it's hard to find a picture of him smiling!  Although, after this week I can understand why.

...the Minister of Public Safety, hereinafter referred to as "Sheriff".  What the bill essentially does is, among other things, make it easier for the police to gather information from Internet Service Providers about their customer's IP address, name, address, phone number, etc., without having the process bogged down with the necessity of procuring a warrant as one has to now if one wishes to obtain this information.  So, the Sheriff tables this bill and the opposition pounces on it.  Like this:

"Snoop" is such a funny word.  Like "kumquat".  Or "nincompoop".

In response, the Sheriff, who is much closer to this...

The Honourable Member for Provencher.

...than this...

I suggest "feather touch".  Beep Beep Beep.  You have entered "POWER DRIVE"!

...on the subtlety scale by nature came out with this entirely consistent whopper in defense of the bill:

"He can either stand with us or with the child pornographers.”

Gentlemen, start your engines.


TUESDAY

Well, there's a novel idea.  Let's call everyone who values civil liberties pedophiles.  That oughta win you some votes.  Actually, that's a great idea!  So great in fact that they rename the bill, get this, the "The Protecting Children from Internet Predators Act", which is the most asinine name for a law that I can remember, and that only pissed people off more until...


WEDNESDAY

...someone went and made a Twitter account.  #vikileaks30, to be precise.  Oops!  Looks like some mysterious crusader obtained a copy of the Sheriff's nasty divorce affidavits and posted some deliciously juicy morsels online for people to gawk at.  Although nothing listed on this Twitter account has been substantiated, neither has it been denied, which in my world means...

That's a big lock!

And the best part is that everything that was posted on the Twitter account was public record!  And now it's public knowledge!  ...  Well, I think that a lot of people came to the conclusion that the Sheriff was a total asshole, and while the divorce details were delightful to read through, it was pretty much an already well-known fact.  It's along the same grain that I really don't need transcripts of divorce testimony to prove the propensity for assholery of...

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ron Wilson.  He'll be here for another year.  Try the veal.

But on another level, the irony settles in that the government is ending the gun registry and forcing all the records to be destroyed because it's too invasive, ending the long-form census and abolition the never-used jail sentence accompanying it because it's too invasive and draconian while at the same time building more prisons and increasing the ability of the police to monitor and collect more information without a warrant.

Incidentally, there are just as many holes in the Government's logic concerning Bill C-30.

Ladies and gentlemen, something smells here.  Friends, the redeeming qualities of the Conservatives' Reform background are being sold on down the river now that there is a majority and absolute power is starting to push towards its inevitable end.  The Reform is over and the Conservation has returned.

THURSDAY

So now that the engines were started and revving, it was time to put this machine into gear.  Vic wants to know your secrets?  Fine.  #tellviceverything  I even joined in on the fun.

Hey @ToewsVic ! On the phone with the City of Saskatoon. I called instead of email so I better check in via Twitter. :) #TellVicEverything

So if you thought the Vikileaks was good, you ain't seen nothing yet.  People saying "Hey Vic, I accidentally deleted an email at work.  Can I get your copy?" and "Hey Vic, I'm thinking of having chicken for supper, but I guess you already knew that." and "Hey Vic, I smoked weed once in grade 11.  Please don't arrest me."  And on and on.  And it was all hilarious!  ...except that there was an inordinate amount of posts outlining bowel movements.  That was not so hot, but otherwise it's was great!

And this is the central point that I wanted to make tonight.  THIS to me is what peaceful protest really means.  People will try to sell you that this is sexy...

The original Sgt. Pepper.  Well, after the Beatles, of course.

...and this...

Sgt. Pepper: The Next Generation.

...and this, somehow...

Meet the brave souls of the NYPD: Fashion Police Unit, the unsung anti-heroes of the Occupy movement.

...or this...

Hey, man.  Yeah, like, I wanna forward my mail.  The new address is, like, General Delivery, New York, New York, or something.

.., but the reality is that it's not.  At least, I really don't think that it is.  Living in a tent in Zucotti park and getting in the police's face is cute and all, but I don't think that it's particularly helpful.  Honestly, it's kind of concerning.  You know, there's this whole culture of professional protesters that will quite often take a lot of pride in protesting, and they'll protest a great many things.  It's like I would say "Hey, I saw the Chemical Brothers in Toronto last year!  So awesome!", and they would say "Hey, I got beat up at the G20 summit last year!  So awesome!"  It kinda has the feel that the object of the protest is second to the act of the protest, and that's not cool.

Which is why I like this whole tell Vic everything thing.  So, tell me what Occupy Wall Street caused beyond a spike in tent sales and a few intimate acquaintances with some NYPD nightsticks.  Not much.  However, with the Twitter protest, there were people young and old, to the left and right of the spectrum in it by the thousands across the country.  Granted, it helps that Toews is an easily detestable character, but the protest had this feel to it that it was creative, smart, absolutely hilarious, and had a very pointed message: we do not agree with this legislation.  Who are we?  Everyone.  This is democracy at its finest.  This is non-violent protest at its finest.  This is how it should work.

Because unlike the Occupy movement, it did work.  The bill was pulled off the floor and hastily sent back to committee.  I'm going to say this again because it bears repeating and elaborating.  The Conservatives who enjoy a majority in the House and Senate, a Conservative Speaker, and a hand-picked Governor General and who have so far passed law after law with total impunity like greased lightning have been stopped dead in their tracks, pulled the bill off their majority floor, and are sending it back to committee for amendment.  If you can make this government stop dead in its tracks and throw it into reverse, you've won.  Big time.

Now, at the end of the day it was revealed that the IP address that the Vikileaks dude posted from was a House of Commons IP address, but that's neither hither nor yon because a) it doesn't prove anything b) the things posted were public record and c) IP addresses can be spoofed, so whatever.


FRIDAY

Gee, where have I seen this before.  Oh yeah.  The House of Commons.  Daily.  I tend to tune out mock outrage these days.

In response to the Twitter and Email protests against Toews, Baird leapt up and started blaming the NDP and calling them sleazy dirty trickers.  Ooooo...  This coming from the fake Irwin Cotler retirement sleazy dirty trickers.  I'm sure the NDP are shaking in their boots.  Never the less, the mastermind behind the Vikileaks bowed out gracefully lest any further unfounded blame be thrown around by the suddenly flailing government.  Andrew Scheer's going to look into this, but I doubt much more will come of it than did the Cotler dirty tricks.  Oh yeah, and Toews is still an unrepentant asshole.  Nice.

So, in closing, I'd just like to say my hat's off to that mysterious Vikileaks dude.  I wish I got to know them better, but nevertheless it must be said that as they vanish into the ether from whence they came they're leaving the Canadian government better, Canadian democracy better, and Canada in general is better for your act of well-timed defiance.  Screaming at riot police doesn't solve anything because under the riot gear it's an even bet that they're just as fed up at the same cause you are for the same reasons that you are.

Thank you for tuning in and have a great night.