Sunday 29 January 2012

Strange Things

Good evening.  Now let's cut the jibba jabba and get right straight down to business.  The name of the game tonight is Strange Things.  Very strange things.  So, without any further ado, onward we go!


SUN RA


Is that chain mail on your head or are you just happy to see me?
And tonight's opening bid is one Sun Ra (born Herman Poole Blount).  This gentleman on top of being an acclaimed Avant-Garde jazz musician, was also a very strange man.

Far out, man.
How strange?  Well!  In 1937 he said:

"… my whole body changed into something else. I could see through myself. And I went up … I wasn't in human form … I landed on a planet that I identified as Saturn … they teleported me and I was down on [a] stage with them. They wanted to talk with me. They had one little antenna on each ear. A little antenna over each eye. They talked to me. They told me to stop [attending college] because there was going to be great trouble in schools … the world was going into complete chaos … I would speak [through music], and the world would listen. That's what they told me."
George Clinton ain't got shit on me!
Well, you know, Van Gogh actually had a similar sort of story where he grew up a missionary and took up painting relatively late in life as a way to connect with God.
Dude...  I wish.
On top of being a swinging cool jazz musician, he was also a philosopher of sorts, speaking and writing Kaballah to Koans, Free Masonry to the Black Power movement. 

Before there was Jak and Daxter...
And if you really wanna see something far out, check out the movie he did, "Space is the Place".  Man, is it a trip.


THE BLOBFISH

Yes, this is an actual thing, and this is actually what it looks like.
This is a Blobfish, a fish-like creature that lives off the coast of Australia.  It lives in deep-sea areas and gets around more by being slightly more buoyant than water, rather than by a more traditional muscular or ballast system.  For food, it swallows edible floating things that are directly in front of it.  Nice!  Not nice, though, is how this poor, lamentable creature is facing extinction due to deep-sea trawling in the creature's only natural habitat.  Aww...  The sea can be a cruel place, but then again, so can the internet.

Dr. Blob-il

Stupid Hat Blob


Well-to-do Blob

And the most tragic of all, Ringo Blob.

WHITE NINJA

White Ninja is a comic by Scott Bevan and Kent Earle, two fine gentlemen like myself from the great province of Saskatchewan.  And it's about a ninja dressed in white - hence, White Ninja.  So what is White Ninja?  I'll let them explain.

"White Ninja Comics are not for the weak of mind. They are a brilliant satirical commentary on controversial worldly issues.

They can be enjoyed on many levels. Scholars, Philosophers, and the like, who possess the intellect to analyze and break down the comics to their hidden, and often devious, roots, will enjoy White Ninja to its fullest degree. Others, like you and I, however, can still enjoy the comics for their light-hearted surface humour and funny drawings."

Sounds deep, huh?  Well, here are a few shining examples.  I'll let you be the judge.










PETE ROSE

It's a bird!  It's a plane!  It's..!  It's...!  It's a Rose!
I always say, you'd have to be a little strange to want to be the best.  Well, Pete Rose was the best.  A career batting average of .303 and #1 on the All-Time hits list with 4,256.  There are lots more records and statistics that he took a wrecking ball to, but we're here for weird, not great.  When walked at the plate, he sprinted to first base.  I mean, who does that?  That puts him on the weird list (and earned him the name "Charlie Hustle" from Whitey Ford) right then and there.
I love how the catcher's mask is just sort of hanging in the air to the left there.  What an action shot.
Oh yeah, and then there's this.  During the 1970 All-Star game, Rose kinda sorta ran over the opposing catcher Ray Fosse, kinda sorta separating his shoulder and Fosse's career was kinda sorta never the same again.  I mean, this is an All-Star game.  If you look at the Pro Bowl, that might as well be flag football, and there's hardly any hitting whatsoever in the NHL All-Star game.  It's not like the game really meant anything, at least back then.  But Pete Rose played for keeps, every time, all the time.  Even during exhibition games as demonstrated above.

It's like a cross between Alex Ovechkin and Johnny Wayne.  And the Froot of the Looms guys.
Oh yeah, and then there was this ad.  Nice.
The Hall of Fame contains murderers, thugs, and other generally nasty people.  No gamblers, though.  Professionals have standards.
Oh yeah, and he was tossed out of baseball because he was gambling on baseball games while managing.  That's a paddling.
No, no!  You got iy all wrong!  I didn't bet on the Undertaker!  Honest, Mr. Kane, sir!  Honest!
Oh yeah, and he had a stint in the WWE.  I don't think he reached 4,000 hits there, though.

Well, that sucks.
Oh yeah, and he was convicted of tax evasion in 1990.  Oops.

Moving on.

LANA DEL REY

I just don't get it.  So, like, you make yourself a fake name, Lana Del Rey.  That's fine.  Lotsa people have fake names.

If you look up "Nepotism" in the dictionary...
Fake name.  Fine.  Whatever.  But then your website boldly proclaims "Debut album Born To Die out January 30".  Well, you already had an album out in 2010, only it was under your real name.  I suppose that's sorta like saying that it's the debut album for...
There's a little emo in all of us.
.., but it's not like Lizzy Grant was a different persona from what you're exuding now.  And just what are you exuding now, anyway?
Uh huh.

Mmhmm.
Yup.

Alright, I've seen enough.
You know, patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel, so they say.  I think that that point is being proven here in spades.  And stars.  And stripes.  I dunno, maybe it's just cause I'm Canadian and fond of red-heads that it kinda makes me wanna gag all this phoney b.s.  My God, it's like she's sold out before she's even been put on the shelf.

Now, she can sing.  Oh yes, she can sing, but the songs are all just about crap, too.  "I love my bad ass boyfriend, etc."  Come on....  That's such crap.  That's like she's a modern day Loretta Lynnn singing "Stand By Your Man".  Nonsense.  Crap.  Actually, I can do better.  Ahem.
CRAAAAAAP!
And on that note, that's all I can stomach for one post.  Thank you again for tuning in and have a good night.  Random Word Wednesday will be back with a vengeance, but until then the editorial board here at Raccoon Inc. advises you to take care, stay warm, and don't take any wooden nickles.

Saturday 28 January 2012

Also Sprach Hockeyspieler

Good evening, everyone.  After a prolonged medical absence, Raccoon Inc. is back on the airwaves this evening with a stinging editorial that ventures to take a look into the two elephants in the room surrounding this week's NHL All-Star game, Tim Thomas and Alex Ovechkin.  Now, rather, Ovechkin cannot be considered an elephant in the room is the whole reason why he is an elephant in the room is because he has decided not to enter the room, but I will leave that topic for later.  For now, Tim Thomas shall be the first topic of conversation.

OBVIOUSLY

Now, if I have a pet peeve with hockey interviews, regardless of whether the interview is with a team president, general manager, coach, or even fellow pundit, the word "obviously" is everywhere.  I defy you to find a player interview that does not sport that word.  And it really is such a redundant phrase.  I don't know who started the trend, but it's like fingernails on a chalkboard to hear that over and over in every interview on TV, on the radio, or in print.

The real point that I'm trying to illustrate here is that professional sports players with all of their mediaspeak and clichés make for the most boring things to watch and listen to ever.  Granted, while they are entertainers, their entertainment comes from what they can do with the puck or a ball and not what they can do with the spoken word, but it is regularly to the point of self-parody how predictable the interviews have become, with a few notable exceptions.  Indeed, Wayne Gretzky, Michael Jordan, and Tiger Woods are three prime examples of professional athletes, huge professional athletes, that have never had anything to say about anything in interviews.

I just love this picture of him.  So bad ass.

So, now onto Tim Thomas.  Now, until now I've known his as a pretty cool cat.  Affable, friendly, etc.  When he was trading barbs with Luongo last year, I thought that was pretty cool.  But now when he was invited to the meet the President for the customary little meet'n'greet that he normally gives winning sports teams, the answer, on Facebook of course, was as follows:

Who needs sentries when you have Zdeno "The Heavy" Chara?
"I believe the Federal government has grown out of control, threatening the Rights, Liberties, and Property of the People.
This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the Federal government.
Because I believe this, today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House. This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an INDIVIDUAL.
This is the only public statement I will be making on this topic. TT"


Hm.

CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTION

Immediately I thought of two very famous instances where sports figures have taken a controversial stand for something that the believe in right down to their core.

That's Liston laying on the floor, by the way.
"I ain't got no quarrel with them Viet Cong... They never called me nigger."  Wow.  For me that is such an unforgettable line.  I feel the very same way about Iraqis, or Afghans, or Koreans, or really anyone that we are fond to antagonize in the west.  When it came time in 1966 for Ali to be drafted into the United States Armed Forces, Ali refused three times, was arrested, and convicted.  The case went all the way to the Supreme Court where the conviction was overturned, but Ali was this polarizing character.  Either you loved him for his stance on the way and his bravery, or you absoltely hated his guts for being the fly in the ointment that he was.

It doesn't get much more powerful of an image than that.
Easily the most memorable moment of the 1968 Olympics in Mexico City was this image here of Tommie Smith and John Carlos (now Dr. John Carlos), gloved fists in the air and heads bowed.  This to me is the most powerful protest I've ever seen in sports.  Although they loved their country, they protested what it had become with this single act of defiance that lasted the length of the national anthem.  They, likewise, were both loved and reviled for their statement.  They were tossed out of the Olympic village for this.  After all, the Olympics was to be a place that was pure, and much, much larger than politics, and they had muddied it with their statement.  However, you can't get a much larger, more global audience for your protest than the Summer Olympics.

MR. THOMAS DOES NOT GO TO WASHINGTON

Or at least the Establishment.
So what does it all mean when you take a step back and evaluate it?  For his protest, people have called Tim Thomas small, petty, selfish, or just downright nuts.  "Have you ever seen a goalie that wasn't nuts?" quipped one commentator.  And then there are all the old jokes:

-A goalie walks up to the counter and says to the guy at the register, "Hey, I'm looking to start a hockey team.  I'm going to need sticks and pads and pucks and..."

The man behind the counter cut him off.  "That's great, sir, but this is a restaurant."

-A goalie and a soldier walk into a bar and they get to talking over a couple of drinks.  The soldier says "It was horrible...  The shelling was non-stop.  Bodies were flying everywhere.  The locals wanted us dead.  I still get nightmares every night."

The goalie nods sympathetically.  "Me, too."

The soldier asks, "Where were you stationed?  Afghanistan?  Sarajevo?"

"Worse," the goalie replies, taking a sip of his drink with a shaking hand.  "Boston."

I could go on and on, but I think we all get the picture.  I've also heard the pundits say that the logo on the front of the jersey is more important than the name on the back of the jersey.  People are disgusted and miffed and cheesed about it, but let's compare for a moment.  When you compare Tim Thomas' protest to that of Muhammad Ali or Tommie Smith and John Carlos, you kind of see a similar thing emerge.  Most people hate his guts for the stand that he took by not going to the White House, and the majority of people hated Ali, Smith, and Carlos for the same reasons, as if to say, "Hey, these guys are sports figures.  They're sports figures.  They're a very small step up the ladder from clowns.  What right do they have to say anything?  We pay them to dance, so they'd best dance and like it."

Really, the right that they have is that they are human beings.  Everyone has opinions, but not every one stands up for them.  Whether I agree or not in Tim Thomas' philosophy (and I do not, for the record), we cannot deny him the right to express it.  If there is one thing that America has every right to be proud of, it's that everyone has freedom of expression.  Everyone can have their say, right or wrong, and I think that, you know, people are too hard on the dude. 

Now that's a cigar!
Don't forget: when the Boston Red Sox broke the Curse of the Bambino and won the World Series in both 2004 and 2007, General Manager Theo Epstien did not involve himself on the meet'n'greet with the White House, either, on account of the inhabitant being one George W. Bush, and to my recollection Theo didn't get anywhere near the slagging that Tim Thomas is getting.  After all, is there really anything more American or even democratic than the right to dissent?  I think not.

And, you know, to get back to my original point, everyone, myself included, makes fun of hockey players for their laughably wooden responses to questions.  So now, when a hockey player speaks up and has something real and substantive to say, the very same media jumps all over him for openning his trap.  It all just seems more than a little hypocritical.

Moving on.

RUSSIANS BEING RUSSIAN

Alex, on the other hand, has no problem going to the White House it seems.
All talent, no heart.  As John Buccigross of ESPN.com puts it, "The old stereotype of Russian players was that they were dour, aloof, gloomy, boring and soft."  Well, that sure is not a good description of Alex Ovechkin.  In fact, I would say that the whole reason for his recent three game suspension was just that: heart.  I think that one of the things that makes him great (or at least made him great before this statistically dismal season) is his passion.  He's a player on the edge, and like many players on the edge, sometimes they go over... and sorta launch themselves at other players.

At any rate, the suspension that he receives is for three games, which just so happen to cover overtop of All Star weekend, and Ovechkin says, I'm paraphrasing, "If I'm suspended, I'm suspended.  I don't want to be a distraction at the event, so I'm just going to stay at home."  So all the talking heads on the television and elsewhere have interpreted this as being the equivelent of him taking his toys and going home to sulk.

Now as a point of order, what has happened is that he was suspended and decided himself not to attend the event.  This is quite a different thing from him being suspended and being told by the league not to attend the event, which is certainly not what happened.  Bill Daly remarked that while they would have liked to have had Alex at the event, the league accepted Alex's decision and would not pursue the matter further.  So, this is all Alex deciding on his own not to attend while suspended.

PUTTING THE SKATE ON THE OTHER FOOT

That's right.  Laugh it up, Alex's head.  Laugh it up.  We'll see how hard you're laughing when you're 41st in the league in scoring.
So what if we turn this around.  Say it's the beginning of December.  The boss pulls you into his office and tears a strip outta you cause you screwed up.  You screwed up royal, and they have no choice but to suspend you for a week without pay.  However, the staff Christmas party is on the weekend.  Oh, you're still invited, but would you want to go to it?  When you put it like this, it now seems a little different.  I, for one, would be wearing my best ._. face and would rather sit out the weekend and mope, and I doubt that I'd be alone in this.  What, you want me to stiff upper lip this one and hang with the guys?  Forget it!

Do I have some sympathy for Alex Ovechkin?  You bet I do, cause that's kinda what happened to him.  Whether you sit at a desk and make a mediocre salary or you're a superstar hockey player, to get told you messed up and suspended, it still hurts and if his heart's not in it, his heart's not in it.  In fact, I really wouldn't be shocked if he went on a redemptive hot streak once he gets back onto the ice to prove himself.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

The moral of the story here is pretty clear.  In Tim Thomas' case, the media snivels and complains that sports players are devoid of personality and opinion, but yet when one expresses an opinion they turn on him.  In Ovechkin's case, he takes a stand and elects not to take part in a league event while suspended and the media bullies him again.  This is a situation where you have to be careful what you wish for, cause you might just get it.  Is it any wonder that sports figures are as wooden as they are when it seems that every time they step out of line they get harrassed?  The media's treatment of Thomas and Ovechkin this would most likely act as even more reason for an athlete to not step out of line, lest they get dogpiled, and that's sad.  Professional athletes are people, too, with ideas and feelings all their own, and to at once goad them for being made of cardboard and then again for expressing individuality is absolutely asinine.  There are more than a few talking heads that ought to be ashamed of themselves.  In fact, this whole affair has opened my eyes.

No neck?  No problem.
During this past provincial election, I was... critical of Gene Makowsky's bid to be the MLA for Regina Dewdney.  He's an offensive lineman!  That would be great if we were electing him as the Legislature's bouncer, but this is a serious job for serious people, not football players!

Well, the editorial board here at Raccoon Inc. admits when it's wrong, and it was wrong to make that assessment earlier, and even though they did not receive our board's endorsement in the last election, we will nonetheless give our support to Mr. Makowsky and wish him well in his fledgeling political career.  Now, if he turns out to be a collosal failure as a lawmaker, Raccoon Inc. reserves the right to say "I told you so."

And that's all the time we have here tonight.  Tune in next time for another scintilating conversation that peels back the layers and takes good, hard, objective look at the story behind the story.  And whether that story has a neck or not, Raccoon Inc. will be there with the brass tacks.

Good night.

Wednesday 11 January 2012

Random Word Wednesday II

And now time for another edition of Random Word Wednesday, the feature where we go beyond the words to dig at the roots of society's issues today.

1.  Going

Yeeeeeeeep!
Here's a little soundtrack for this week's first entry.

Although the concept of the auction has been around since ancient times (as early as 500 BC, in fact), modern auctions as we know them today did not become the popular way to sell goods until relatively modern times.  The oldest known auction house, that is the say the oldest building strictly dedicated to the purpose of holding auctions. is the Stockholm Auction House in Stockholm, Sweden, established in 1674.  In 18th Century England, auctions were often held by candlelight whereby bidders would make their bids in ascending order until the candle ran out sputtered out.  Auctions became very popular in Britain and by the early Nineteenth Century, the city boasted many large auction houses.  In fact. the standard format of auction that we are mostly familiar with where bids continue in ascending order until all other bidders drop out, is known an English Auction.  Other formats include the Dutch Auction where the auctioneer starts at a certain price and lowers until there is a bidder, the Sealed First-Price Auction where all bidders submit their bids privately and simultaneously whereby the highest bid win, and the Japanese Auction where when the bidding starts no new bidders can join, and each bidder must continue to bid each round or drop out.

2.  Hero

Whoa!  That's bad ass!  I want goggles with eyes painted on them!
 Meet Mr. Xtreme.  This gentleman is member of an organization known as "The Real Life Superhero Project", and he has dedicated his time, effort, and a pair of super kick ass goggles to making the city of San Diego a better place anonymously and without any expectation of personal fame or fortune.  According to their website, "there is a real subculture of genuine heroes, that bridge the gap between the fantastic and the practical. Anonymous and selfless, they choose every day, to make a difference in the world around them. Whether it be feeding the hungry, comforting the sick, or cleaning up their neighborhoods, they save real lives in very real ways. These are not 'kooks in costumes,' as they may seem at first glance. They are, simply put, a radical response… to a radical problem."  I've seen a few of these guys, both on their website and on YouTube, and I wouldn't want to be the guy attempting to knock over a 7-11 in their neighbourhoods.

3.  Share

This is a really nifty work of art by Matthew Lehman, one of many really nifty works on this website.
Last week, I dedicated the word "Exhibit" to Andy Warhol and tonight I'm dedicating the word "Share" to some more pop art.  What he good folks at www.sharesomecandy.com have done is they've created a really nifty place where the works displayed are a very interesting blend or art and commerce.  The site features a variety of works ranging mundane things like labels and logos that have been jazzed up by brilliant graphic artistry to more edgy stuff like graffiti sculpture.  This is some seriously cool stuff here and does a fine job of bridging the gap between art and practicality in a phenomenal way.  Dozens and dozens of amazing artists contribute to this website, and you can even buy some of their works there, too.  Bonus!  The coolest thing of all for me, I think, is that websites such as this really take the image of faceless, evil corporations with focus groups fretting over every detail of every advertizement and replaces it with genuine art and expression made by real people with real souls.

4.  Lemon

No they don't.
Broadly considered to be one of the worst motor vehicles ever produced, the 1985 Yugo GV sold for four grand off the lot in the United States.  This sweet ride cranked out 45 HP and boasted a blazing top speed of 112 km/h while featuring such standard modern amenities as "carpet".  If the specs aren't blowing you away, though, the engine itself might.  The need for frequent timing belt replacements led to the destruction of more than a few Yugo engines, and apparent shoddy construction led to a host of other mechanical failures, which in turn led to a host of jokes at the Yugo's expense.

Q. How do you double the value of a Yugo?
A. Fill the tank with gas!

Q. What comes with every Yugo User’s Manual?
A. A bus schedule.

And, of course, who could forget this classic?


5.  Prompting

LOAD"SKYRIM",8,1
 The noble Commodore 64 first hit desktops around the world in 1982.  Boasting a keyboard, 5 1/4 inch floppy dish drive, two joystick ports, the ability to play data cassette tapes and cartridges, and full on 8-bit graphics, it was a dream machine for the age.  Sales of the machine over its lifetime reached 17 million units at top end estimates.  After a run that saw the machine achieve 30%-40% market share through the 80's, the Commodore 64 was finally discontinued in 1995.  The manufacturer filed for bankruptcy later on that same year, but fear not!  In 2011 the brand was repurchased and a successor machine to the Commodore 64 was made and distributed.  With contemporary specs and a keen retro look, you too can have your own brand spanking new Commodore once again.  The basic (no pun intended) model will run you $295.00 (all currencies USD), and it goes up from there depending on how tricked out you like your rides.

6.  Year

So, I went to FurAffinity to get a cool dragon pic.  This (by Bumblegoo!) is the best I could do on short notice.
Forget about all this Mayan calendar nonsense for a minute.  2012 is the Year of the Dragon in the Chinese calendar.  Rawr!  Turns out Skyrim was released a few months too early.  The Dragon is the only fictional character of the Chinese Zodiac, and those born in 2012 are said to be Water Dragons.  Cool!  Those born under the sign of The Dragon are said to be associated with the colour red, rubies, wheat, poultry, and several countries including China.  Well, I guess that if it's your calendar you can pick the coolest sign.  Canadians, by the way, got are ruled by The Dog. Could be worse, I guess.


7.  Alignment


 I was hoping to avoid this, but after mentioning comic book heroes, 8-bit gaming, and furries, let's go whole hog geek this week.

 Pictured above is a Samurai Pizza Cats Alignment Meme that I made custom for this entry's purpose.  The nine schema character alignment system was formerly the system used to distinguished a certain character's alignment, or in other words how they would act in a certain situation and what their motive is.  I say formerly because although this system was used in the first three versions of Dungeons and Dragons, the fourth version, released in 2008, narrowed it down to the five schema system of lawful good, good, unaligned, evil, and chaotic evil.  Nonetheless, alignment as an internet meme has become popular over the last two year, as a simple google will demonstrate.

8.  Literature

You know, if I had to be in a wheelchair permanently, I'd dig a gold paint job, too.
There's literature, and then there's literature.  Larry Claxton Flynt, Jr. has made his fortune with the latter version as the president of Larry Flynt Publications, best known for the pornographic magazine Hustler.  That much most people know about him, but what people may not know is that he isn't all about the cash and porn.  He has always been a fearless advocate of the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, which essentially grants people unlimited freedom of speech.  As a matter of fact, the movie "The People vs. Larry Flynt" is dedicated to his free speech advocacy, and it is quite a good movie, if you can get past Courtney Love.  Furthermore, Flynt has been an outspoken critic of the United States' war in Iraq, and an advocate for gay rights and gay marriage.  However, one of his finest hours occurred during Bill Clinton's impeachment.  Flynt offered a substantial cash reward to anyone who could offer evidence of any Republican infidelities.  The resulting evidences that were collected led to the resignation of several prominent Republican politicians including Speaker of the House Bob Livingstone.

9.  Local

Things that make me homesick.
Thanks to Wikipedia, here are a few examples of some local words and phrases that we use out here on the prairies that, apparently, aren't used elsewhere.

  • Bluff: small group of trees isolated by prairie
  • Bunny hug: elsewhere hoodie or hooded sweat shirt (mainly in Saskatchewan, but also in Manitoba)
  • Ginch/gonch/gitch/gotch: underwear (usually men's or boys' underwear, more specifically briefs), probably of Eastern European or Ukrainian origin. Gitch and gotch are primarily used in Saskatchewan and Manitoba while the variants with an n are common in Alberta and British Columbia.
  • Jam buster: jelly-filled doughnut.
  • Porch climber: moonshine or homemade alcohol.
  • Pot hole: usually a deeper slough; also used to refer to slough in plural. Pot hole more commonly refers to a hole in a paved road caused by the freezing and thawing cycle.
  • Slough: pond – usually a pond on a farm
  • Vi-co: occasionally used in Saskatchewan instead of chocolate milk. Formerly a brand of chocolate milk.
10.  Final

Huh!  How cool is that?  The final word is this week's entry is the word "final",  Well, then.  Here are a half dozen pictures to end on a nice, melancholy note.  Good night!

Final jam
Final game
Final glimpse
Final czar
First and final
Saddest final episode ever