The Freedom to Report on the Freedom Report

Good afternoon.

We here at Raccoon Inc. pride ourselves on journalistic integrity.  No paid sources, no sleazy advertisements, No GoFundMe's, no lobbyists or special interest groups, no taxpayer funding, no pretentious Patreon account, no YouTube royalties.  Just the straight hard cheese here.  Facts?  You betcha!  So many facts it'll make you sick.  Why, if fact-based opinion were Nutella..,

...we got a tub of it!  A TUB!

And, let me tell you, the placement of that image on this blog here today most certainly was not paid for by the big breakfast conglomerate machine.  I'm not even sure that's Nutella.  It could just be, like regular chocolate.  Hopefully, anyway.

Oh, and warning.   Today's post will contain some nastiness.  If you wanna skip to the next post, please do.  I don't want any offensive material to blindside my totally rad awesome subscribers! Thank you for reading, everyone!  How many are we at now at the time of writing this?

Perfect!  Lots of room to grow and no serious fear of upsetting the loyal fans.  Best of both worlds!

Anyway!  Where were we?  Right!  On with the show!

FREEDOM REPORT . CA

Freedomreport.ca is a website.  It's, uh.  It's a, uh, thing.  It's a website and a thing.  Here, in its own words:

Straight from the website.

Beautiful...

They set the bar high, don't they? 

The Freedom Report is run by the intrepid reporter...

Kevin J. Johnston

Mr. Johnston, who could do a killer Dan Aykroyd impression, works by day as the advertising man, editor and writer for the Mississauga Gazette, which is a real publication so far as I can discern.  When not on the clock, however, Kevin J. Johnston ostensibly enjoys serving court papers and sparring with local politicians, lawyers, teenagers, reporters and more while on camera.  It's like a discount W5 where Kevin J. Johnston hunts down liberals instead of crooked moving companies and veterinarians.

So let's open it up and take a gander at it.  Let's see EXACTLY how the world works.

Exciting stuff!

Sweet.

Mmhmm.

GOOD, CLEAN WHITE VALUES

Oh, yeah!  They also have a radio station on the website.  REALITY RADIO 101!  It's pretty nifty!  Dude makes his own playlist.  The editorial board checked it out.

YES.  GOOD, CLEAN WHITE VALUES.  GIMME SOME OF THAT SWEET SWEET KOOL AND THE GANG.

CELEBRATING GOOD, CLEAN WHITE VALUES SUCH AS GETTING DOWN ON IT.

Yeah, man.  Norman Greenbaum.  Good stuff!

Oh, here's another good story!

*GASP*

Hey, that's not nice!  Kevin J. Johnston may have his own views on things and doesn't mind pointing out other's body size, but he does so because their weight is a matter of public interest..,

Let's not forget, Kevin J. Johnston is a journalist and the last great bastion of honesty and freedom in Canada!  It's not his weight that's an issue here, it's yours.

So, please.  Decorum.  He's the one asking the questions here, friendo.  It's not like he hits below the belt at all.  No, Kevin J. Johnston writes GOOD, CLEAN pieces like this one about CBC reporter Katie Simpson.

"Hardcore Feminist CBC Reporter Katie Simpson"

And this one about Katie Simpson.

"You'll notice that I'm wearing the same shirt.  I just changed into my jacket.  And why did I do that?  Because, well, the white sweater I was wearing is incredibly warm, but makes me look as fat as the individual that had called me."

"So we've got this bizarre woman that looks like a massive feminist to me - double-meaning on the 'massive'..."

And this one about Katie Simpson:

Here's Kevin J., fighting it all.

"You just saw Katie Simpson.  She says, 'This is Kevin, the racist guy,' and then runs-  Well, not runs.  She waddled away through that door."

"Katie Simpson is a radical feminist who regrettably works for the CBC in Ottawa. More than $50,000 of your hard earned money goes into feeding this individual half of the country’s sugar every year. This individual is repugnant not only physically, but also behaviourily."

By far she is one of the worst reporters I have ever met and I find myself shocked that this individual who has a face and bikini body for radio in dark rooms, plagues our television sets on a daily basis."

"Katie Simpson is a liar and a horrible human being.  Believe me when I say this, the term 'human being' in that sentence is being used very loosely."

"Please defund the CBC so that our hard-earned tax dollars can stop going into Mars bars for Katie’s lunch breaks!"

"Let me leave you with a question: if Kenny Simpson trips and lands on a child, and child dies will she be charged with manslaughter or murder? Please keep your children away from Katie Simpson lest you bury them in a matchbox!"

Glaring proofreading concerns aside, Mr. Editor, it's a little, well...

...inelegant.

Let me tell you, the CBC is not some omnipotent, unassailable megalith.  Oh boy, do they have their faults.

Exhibit A

There's the culture that enabled Jian Ghomeshi, their refusal to produce a sunshine list, occasional naked jingoism, occasional naked government propaganda...  I could go on all day.  If you have an axe to grind with the CBC, it's practically a turkey shoot.

The point is this: whatever the problems are at the CBC, they are not Katie Simpson. Katie’s a damn fine reporter that had to fight her way past ugly personal attacks like these to get up to where she's at now.  If you want to criticize her work, go bananas.  Please do.  But if you're just going to for the cheap, creepy personal attacks, please stop.  Nowhere in the first piece entitled "Hardcore Feminist Katie Simpson" is there any hint of any feminism, or indeed anything other than a simple, professional inquiry.  There's no hint anywhere here of any "Hardcore Feminism" beyond the fact that she's, you know...

...female.

Kind of looks like he took the alleged 40 min. break in between the two videos to Google her.  With some cursory information, he started on the offensive.  And suddenly:

Train wreck?!  As for his charges that she's an "idiot" and a "joke" and a "train wreck", well, let me put it to you like this.  Katie, a journalist, called Kevin J., asked a few questions and got a few answers.  Kevin J., a journalist, met Katie, asked a few questions and got nowhere.  I'm no J-School prof., but seems to me the efficacy of a good reported is based loosely on asking questions and getting answers.

Also, nowhere in any of these pieces did I ever see Kevin J. have the guts to call her fat directly.  It's all just behind-her-back snickering after the initial call and once she was behind security at the Conservative event.  In lieu of an actual CBC investigation, we get Googles, gotchas and fat jokes.

Hardy har har.

Sir, you're not helping.  You may think you're helping, but you're not.  Real people with real arguments have real concerns regarding the CBC, Mr. Kevin J. Johnston.

But hey, you have freedom of speech, like we all do, so no one can try to stop you from promoting GOOD, CLEAN WHITE VALUES.

Well, almost no one.

Except "social media terrorists".

And the Royal Canadian Legion.

And schools.

For some reason.

So, really, the man needs all the help he can get.

They killed his revenue stream!

 Fortunately, he's got a Patreon page!

That'll buy a few Mars bars.  But only a few.

Bad news: not looking so good.  Good news: we here at Raccoon Inc. are only $25 behind a verified Conservative pundit!  Oh, and here's his Patreon mission statement:

Oh, I get the "rough" part. It's the funny I'm still looking for.

Yes, general human issues.

Such as male insecurity w/r/t sexuality.

And male insecurity w/r/t fat shaming.

And male insecurity w/r/t job security.

And male insecurity w/r/t sexuality.

And specifically white male insecurity w/r/t demographics.

So, if you wallow in male insecurity, espouse GOOD, CLEAN WHITE VALUES, enjoy drawing Hitler mustaches on those who disagree with you, calling people fat behind their back and are tickled fuchsia to watch lacrosse enthusiasts get served papers, by cracky, Kevin J. Johnston is...

...right up your alley.

Now, all this is not to say that white guys don't deserve or shouldn't have a voice.  We should!  Sure!  Why not?  Everyone is entitled to a voice.  However, Kevin J. Johnston just make us all look like such...

Lastly, hey.  If this whole website/shtick thing is just a masterful parody of right-wing trolls and all of the school boards, Muslims, lawyers and Katie are all in on the act...

Bravo, Kevin J.  You've fooled me.

I don't think it is, though.  Seems too sincere.  No, parody takes imagination and...

Finn nails it.

I think it's just a straightforward cry for help masquerading as guerrilla journalism.

And that's all the time that we have here today.  Fingers crossed that this post doesn't get nuked by Blogger because Kevin J. Johnston is mentioned.  Until next time!

Update:  The office just received word that Kevin J. Johnston's been charged with a hate crime!  Best of luck, Kevin J.!  Don't quite know why or how yet, but we shall see.