A bunch of things

There are a lot of things that I'd like to write about tonight.  None of them really follow any real sort of rhyme or reason at all, so I'm just going to make a sort of...

...of subjects.  Now, off the top.


THE BIGGER THEY ARE...

Myth: Busted.

Lance Armstrong.

See, Lance Armstrong really presents a unique moral challenge to me.  On the one hand, it's officially irrefutable that he's dirty.  How dirty?

Dirty.

I mean, say I get into a car accident and I lose a lot of blood, a transfusion would be a good thing.  However, to receive a blood transfusion because you're either a. doping so that you can cycle better (or best, rather) or b. hiding that you're doping so that you can cycle better (best) is an entirely, unarguably frivolous thing in the grand scheme of things.  Medicine is here to assist the ailing, not enhance the supreme.  I find this whole blood doping thing utterly loathsome.

Am I going after Lance Armstrong because he's a cheat?  You bet your ass I am.  Should I?  I don't know the right answer to this.  I mean, I think I know, but I don't know.  So, I'd like to explore this a bit.

Did he dope?  I think that we can now say that that is a certainty.

Does that matter?  According to the USADA it sure does.  However, if the rest of the field is doping, does it still matter?  Well, I'll put it like this.  I have a very small level of tolerance for dopers in baseball.  Not much, but a very small amount.  The reason is that I could take all the dope I wanted and I still couldn't his a Chapman fastball or a Lincecum changeup or a Dickey knuckleball.  I wouldn't have a clue what Darvish is going to throw at any given count.  There's a mental aspect to the game that some people have and some don't.  I don't want to downplay cycling, but you just have to drive a bicycle as fast as you can until you get to the end.  There's somewhat less going on there so for sure it's the drugs that are going to shine over top of the mental performance of the athlete.  Don't get me wrong, doping is bad in any sport.  It's just that the effects of doping in one sport...

are more beneficial than in others...

You could... maybe... tip the table over more violently..?

But then there's this problem.  See, he did a lot of nice things.  He may be a real litigious dick, but he has done many good things for the plight of those with cancer.  It's debatable whether he's a Tour de France champion anymore, but he certainly is a cancer champion, and that's really quite remarkable.  Maybe I'm looking at this wrong.  Maybe the better way would be to look at it like this:

Yes!  Another chance to use Disney's Robin Hood!

Robin Hood cheated and lied and stole, but everyone loved him because he did good things with his ill-gotten goods.  Why can't we love Lance Armstrong the same way?  He's kind of a jerk and a bully, bit I see no reason why the same connection can't be made.  I guess it all comes down to perspective.  If you're a Jean Valjean type, you say "Way to go, Lance!"  If you're a Javert type, you say "You filthy scum..."  I will say this, though.  I would be a lot less conflicted if he was sponsored by...

Questionable practices?  Aisle 13, next to the cat food.

...rather than...

When you absolutely, positively have to win at any cost.

...directly from the tax payers.  Oh well.  There's another hero from my youth come crashing down.
As a sort of unrelated parting shot, I've always liked the name Lance Armstrong.  It always reminds me of this.


...THE HARDER THEY FALL

Politics between elections can be pretty boring.

Right?  Right.

Fortunately, in between federal and (Saskatchewan) provincial elections we have other elections to keep giggle at.  Lately we've had...

The Quebec election...

The American election...

The Quebec election...

The American election...

To me, though, the Quebec election is by far the most mystifying.  There must be something lost in translation.  It's weird.  From what I've seen in the media, it looks as though there are two main items of discussion: extorting the rest of Canada (all parties are guilty of this, as well) and jealously defending Quebec "culture".  With respect to both, I just have one thing to say: Plains of Abraham.

You lose.

You know, if you're that bitter why not take a second shot?  Don't separate.  Don't extort the rest of us.  Just call France.  Get them to schedule a do-over with England.  You know, best two out of three.  I hear tell that they have nukes these days, too.  Could be real interesting.  Go ahead.  Have fun.  J'ai appris un peu de français, juste au cas France gagne.  Sure.  Have fun.  Wake me when it's over.

Oh, and to Jean Charest.

Well, at least in Regina Quebec St. isn't one-way.

Yeah, yeah.  Sure.  "Pour le Québec."  We get it!  Enough already!  Anyway, I was going to say congratulations on presiding over the most corrupt place in the western hemisphere for as long as you have and enjoy your retirement.  Merci et bon nuit.


UNIVERSAL TRUTHS

And speaking of lost in translation, I find it interesting that there are still people out there that haven't seen Gangnam Style yet.  It's brilliant!  It's a music video by an artist named "Psy" who mercilessly skewers the excess if the super rich in his native South Korea.  What makes this video so crazy popular in spite of it being about Korean culture and being performed in Korean (mostly)?  Well, there are certain images that we'd seen in video that transcend their native land, language, and culture to make a broader statement about humanity as a whole.  Yes, even Gangnam Style.  The idea is that there are images that, in spite of their foreign nature, you know exactly what's going on when you see them.  Here are some legendary examples from cinema over the years.

If a dictator falls in the forest and no one was there to care, have they really fallen at all?

For my money this is the greatest metaphor ever filmed.

Things not permitted in Iran: Youthful rebellion and feminism.

If you ever had any question of how career criminals are born ask him.

Giving whole new meaning to "low income housing".

Man vs. Nature... TO THE EXTREME!

And now to these legendary evocative images that transcend all barriers of language and culture that speak to the universal human condition we have Psy to thank for his addition to this pantheon:

I think we can all appreciate this scene.

WANT RELIABILITY?  TRUST A FORD.

Well, it's a new week.  What asinine thing did a Ford say this time?

“Stay alert, walk tall, carry mace, take self-defence classes & don’t dress like a whore. #DontBeAVictim #StreetSmart”

Huh.  Doug Ford's daughter said the following this week on Twitter.  It's not... the worst thing I've ever heard.  Or the dumbest.  Sure, people have said that it sorta blames the victim in sexual assaults, but I mean this is a teenage girl's Twitter account.  No one elected her anything, so she doesn't have to defend herself.  It's just her opinion and it's an entirely valid one.  Whether or not anyone agrees with it is entirely irrelevant.  This is a free society and we should be able to say what we think, right?  Right.

Hm.  Well, that wasn't really all that asinine at all...  I wonder if the Fords are actually learning how to-

“Krista regrets it, that’s not the way we raised her, and to be very blunt, we chewed her ass out from one end to the other and she learned a good lesson.”

Oh Doug...  Oh Dougy Doug...  Oh Councillor Ford...  That's so bad.  I can't believe you went in front of a microphone and said that.  Well, I sorta can, but I can't.  In the words of Mel Brooks, he rises below bad taste.

Now one good note from this... um... self-inflicted affair is that I just found out that Krista Ford was part of the LFL!

The Lingerie Football League!

This looks retarded!  I don't have time to go into all of the ways that this is totally retarded (not the least of which that those shoulder pads look absolutely lethal), but this is just silliness.  Although I can appreciate why, after learning this, that opponents were quick to point out the irony of her "whore" statement, I stand firm that it's her opinion and she's entitled to it.  But this is retarded!  "Nincompoop" is not nearly a strong enough word to describe these guys.

IS THERE ANYONE IN THIS ENTIRE FAMILY THAT HAS A BRAIN?

...

Hm.  Silence.  Mind you, anyone with any brains that was related to them would probably keep a very, very low profile so we may never know.

And that's all for tonight.  Thank you for reading and have fun!