Annoyance

Good evening!  Tonight's topic will be things that have annoyed me lately - some good, some bad.  There will be, as always, a wide array under discussion.  Let's begin!


IMPARTIAL PLAY-BY-PLAY

So I picked up this AWESOME DEAL at mlb.com.  For $20.00/yr., I can listen to any baseball game I want, anytime, anywhere, which is just the perfect cure for your typical workday boredom.  I've noticed something odd with spring training, though.  You get the option of listening to either the home or away broadcast for any game, but if it's a spring training game and the local radio station isn't covering the game, some dudes at mlb.com will cover the game instead.  Now, on paper this sounds great cause you can listen to just about any game you want because someone's covering it.  The bad news, however, is that there's a huge drop off in quality between...

Juuust a bit outside.  He tried the corner and missed.

...the home or away's team broadcast and...

HELLO FANS.  IT IS A BALMY EIGHTY-TWO DEGREES IN THE SUN HERE AT PRESS PLAY ON TAPE FIELD.

...the mlb.com announcers.  You see, when you have local broadcast, either home or away, they really care about the game cause it's their guys on the field.  They know them, they want them to win, and there's passion tied to it.  In radio, all you have and the only tool at your disposal is your voice and you can hear when someone's really into the game.  I think that's why baseball lends itself so well to radio.  The snap of the glove, the crack of the bat, and the relatively slow pace of the play allows you to really get out the brush and paint a vibrant picture of what's going on down on the field, or even just have a conversation.  I've listened to half-innings where the announcers were just talking about hot dogs.  Sure, they did the play-by-play, but they talked about the grills, the hot dogs, the barbecue sauce ("with those little chunks of apple in it") and that was great!  You don't get that in other sports - not by a long shot.  I'd love to hear Jim Hughson talk about hot dogs through a powerplay.

The annoying thing here is the mlb.com guys.  I don't wanna say anything bad about them cause they're just doing their job, but if you're employed by mlb.com, by that very fact you're just sitting there on the fence not taking one side or another.  Essentially you're just a neutral party that's just there to call the balls and strikes and put the game on the air for people to listen to, and by God is that boring.

Now, I suppose some people are thinking that, well, don't you want impartial commentary so that you know what's really going on in the game?  It's no fun listening to total homers like, say, for example...

Green is the colour, football is the game, blah blah blah...

...cause that's just not - well especially the talk radio shows that debate the game.  Even worse.  But I suppose the point that I'm trying to make here is that if I picked up a regular season ballgame on the radio I get my choice of home or away broadcasts, and that's as it should be.  One broadcast for both sides by someone who really doesn't get involved really flies in the face of what it means to the typical fan of professional sport - but at the same time, please be courteous to both sides, respectful to your adversary, and put the 'sport' in 'sportsmanship'.


SOCCER

As a teenager I played soccer at school and it was fun.  I quite enjoyed it.  It was a fun game if you're in it or on the field.  I find it to be the archetype of games that are more fun to play than to watch, unlike games that are more fun to watch than to play like for example...

Aw, sorry.  Wrong pic.  I thought this was UFC but it's just a Miami grade 12 gym class.  Oh wait.  No, sorry again.  Math class.

I think that soccer is one of those things that's an acquired taste to watch on TV.  I think that, maybe, if I sat down on a Saturday (or Sunday, or...  actually I have no idea when soccer's on TV at all...  Please check your local listings.) morning and watched a day full of it that I might get it, like it, understand and appreciate it, but right now... yeah, not so much.

I'll tell you one thing, though, there's one huge thing that gets in the way of me finding the will to see the light and start appreciating soccer:

Corruption.

Now before I tear into soccer, I'll preface it by saying that other sports have their failings as well.  For example:

Baseball

Hockey

Basketball

Football

But for crying out loud!  See there's this fundamental thing where when two teams get together to play a game that they're both going to try.  They're both going to go duke it out and may the best team win.  Sure, some teams are better than others, but when you get ot the stadium and you sit down in the seats you don't know what's going to happen.  That there is the essence of sport: you don't know what's going to happen.  Without that it's just plain not sport anymore.  It's not even theater.  It's nothing.  Case in point this game right here.

Let me paint the picture.  What this game is is a qualifying match for the 2014 World Cup.  Indonesia's already out of contention, so whatever.  Bahrain (and if you don't know where Bahrain is, it's an island in the Persian Gulf) however is still in contention.  Well, sort of.  They have a nine goal deficit going into the game in the standings which they have to overcome if they want to make it to the next round and after looking through a few tables of recent statistics, the average goals per game in any professional league is somewhere between 2.5 and 3.0 - and that's not 2.5-3.0 apiece, that's 2.5-3.0 total.  So there are a whole lot of 1-1, 2-0, 2-1 games.  So it doesn't appear likely that Bahrain's going anywhere.  Now what was the final score of this game?  10-0 for Bahrain.

10 to nothing?!  10 to nothing?!  Let's look at this.  Indonesia's first round was against Turkmenistan.  Game One was a 1-1 draw while game 2 saw Indonesia squeak ahead with a more wide open 4-3 affair.  On to the next round they go. However, in the next round, poor Indonesia went 0-6, but the scores didn't seem that exaggerated.  0-2, 1-4, 2-3, 0-3, 0-4.  They're bad, but they're within reason.  So when Bahrain strolls in to play the last game and needs nine points to make the World Cup, although they may win it didn't seem likely that they were going to fill the net like they would need to so that they could advance.  So what happens right straight away to Indonesia's keeper on a sketchy trip?

Uh huh.  And Brendan Shanahan weeps.  Seriously.  Watch the game if you can stomach it.  From what I hear from serious soccer dudes is that this is a sickening display that gives every indication that the suitcases of cash were exchanged somehow.  Sick.

Oh, and the worst part of all?  FIFA has vowed to investigate the incident.

INTERPOL is putting their best man on the case.

Uh huh.  Moving on.


NANCY GRACE ET AL

Have you ever flipped through the channels and come across something so bizarre that you just couldn't look away?

Good morning!

It was some time ago.  I remember that she was going off about this girl who was convicted of murder in Italy.  Amanda Knox was her name.  She was convicted of murdering her roommate Meredith Kercher and spent four years locked up in an Italian jail.  So when the verdict was appealed successfully and Ms. Knox was released and brought back home to America, Nancy was some pissed.  It seems once a murderer, in her mind, always a murderer.  I mean, if the court had found her free of guilt, that's good enough for me and any reasonable person, I would think.  I mean, we all have to live with the laws that our society has in place because that's how society functions.

I remember another instance.  This time it was another one of HLN's pit bulls.

Make sure you get my good side.

So, go google pictures of Jane Velez-Mitchell.  Go ahead.  What do you see?  A whole lot of pictures of her not just smiling, but beaming.  Everywhere!  You'd think she was a happy person or something.  However, I was flipping through channels during and after the Casey Anthony trial some time ago and I gotta say, she was none too happy then.  In fact, I flipped through one day and noticed she looked pissed while she was grilling someone.  Then the next day: pissed again.  And the day after.  And it was the same with Nancy.  Wow!

I don't get it.  Well, I mean, I think I get it.  They get paid a lot of money and saying outrageous things seems to sell.

Right?  Right.

But I don't get how you can stay "on" all the time.  I mean, she smiles.  A lot it seems.  So why is it that whenever I look at HLN she's snarling?  I wonder, could I snarl for two hours?  Three hours?  Four hours?  Could I look angry?  Indignant?  Fuming?  Mad as hell?!  Well, maybe, but you know what?  It's just all so fake and insincere.  Such garbage!  It's all just this theatrical nonsense designed to whip people up.  And the worst was after Casey Anthony was found not guilty.  They still went after her.  It's like never mind the court decision, we know the truth and she did it.  I feel so bad for Ms. Anthony!  She's found not guilty and yet her life is still ruined by it.  It's crazy!  The law is executed in the courtroom and not on television.  Period.  End of story.


YAY AMERICA MOVIE 
 
As a Canadian I have a ringside seat to see all of the shenanigans here, there, and everywhere, at home and abroad, and there's one thing that I just can't stand: Yay America Movies.  What do I mean by that?

Actually, if you photoshop out the alien and the death ray, it looks much like a Thomas Kincaid painting.

Independence Day.  Aliens attack and start destroying the world.  Who's going to save them?

The delightfully insane Randy Quaid.

The United States of America, that's right.  They can take down the Eiffel Tower, the Kremlin, the Cristo Redentor, the Dome of the Rock, and about anything else worth mentioning, but when they go and blow up the White House, oh it's on like Donkey Kong.

Just picture Donkey Kong as an alien and Mario as Bill Pullman.  Oh, and the Princess is Judd Hirsch.

Sure, there were funny moments, but it was pretty darn sappy.  And then there was this one which was totally, totally shameless.

This movie gets my vote for worst love triangle ever.

 Holy crap was this bad!  The love story was terrible, the faux emotion was terrible, and Dolittle's raid at the end was, well, terrible.  A terrible, terrible movie that just anguishes about the great, but vulnerable America.  Yuck.

Now, this isn't to say that there aren't Boo America films...

He looks like he's enjoying this a little too much...

Remember: don't declare war. go to war.

Making dictators more and more ronery every day.

...but I find that Boo America films are a bit more pointed and thoughtful.

And I mean, come on.  Having the President leap into the cockpit to save the world?  Come on...  As much as I would like to see Harper fly an F18 on bombing runs through Libya, Chrétien drive a tank through Afghanistan, Mulroney pilot a rescue chopper during Desert Storm,  Trudeau wielding a flamethrower in Vietnam, or anything like that, but Canadian politicians just aren't like that, you know?  It just doesn't happen.  They're all scheming, Machiavellian lawyers and career politicians.  There's no such thing a Canadian war hero who is at the same time politician.

Funny how it takes a fighter pilot to win the Nobel Peace Prize and try to stop war.

Well, except Prime Minister Mike.  And he was a huge baseball fan, too!  I guess they're not all bad.  Hm!  And that's all the time we have today.  Thank you for reading and have a good night!

Meltdown

Good evening!  I haven't posted anything in a while, so I thought I would this evening.  I'm awake and alert and it's a nice, slow night tonight.  Tonight's topic will be the humble meltdown in its many forms.


BASEBALL

Now that baseball season is in full swing (so to speak) and the juggernaut Blue Jays are well on their way to running the table after winning the first two games.  This brings to mind a few entertaining and rather extraordinary meltdowns that I've seen.  The first is from Brian Walker right here.

If this athletics thing doesn't work out for you, there is totally a career in acting for you.

Brian here is, or was, a catcher for the University of Arkansas Razorbacks and the video here shows the guy pretending to get hit by a pitch with some awesome, awesome acting.  When nobody buys it, he strikes out on a huge cut and then proceedes to lose it.  To me, this guy's just bizarre.  I mean, who does this?  What would posess anyone to fake getting hit by a pitch when there are cameras around and a whole bunch of witnesses.

Now, after seeing this, it probably isn't a shock that he didn't make it to the show, although interestingly enough, there are several people named "Walker" that made it to the big leagues, not the least of which Larry.  According to MLB.com, there was a Chico Walker, not one but two Dixie Walkers, a Gee Walker, Hub Walker, Rube Walker, Speed Walker, and my absolute favourite, Mysterious Walker.  Oh, and speaking of interesting names, the Dave Van Horn you see in this video is not to be confused with Hall of Fame broadcaster Dave Van Horne.  Two entirely different people.

Now this next one is my all-time favourite managerial meltdown: Phillip Wellman.

Oh no, don't hold back now.  Please tell me how you really feel.

I'm guessing he didn't like that call none too much.  I won't describe it beyond saying that it must be seen to believed.  Oh yeah, and he takes a bow at the end.  Say what you like about him, but he's a character.  The unfortunate thing here is that the Double-A Mississippi Braves fired him after the 2010 campaign and I think it's a safe bet that his managerial career is over.  I could see him doing commentary for Fox Sports, though.  I think I'd enjoy that.  Yes indeed.

Lastly, and I love this one, Hal McRae.

Gee whiz.  He sure looked a lot happier as a player rather than a manager.

I love this one mostly for its sheer visceral power.  He's not just mad, he's furious.  He's in a rage.  He's pissed.  He's throwing stuff, beating up reporters, and all on tape.  It's awesome.  And I remember him as a player for the Royals, too, back when I was a kid.  Let this be a lesson to you all, though: heavy is the head that wears the crown.  Although, as a sidenote, one of the things that I always loved about baseball is that, unlike all of the other sports, the manager is out there wearing a uniform just like everyone else.  I mean, could you even imagine Randy Carlyle in a Maple Leafs jersey?  Ha ha ha ha...

Hey!  It's MacGuyver!  Get his autograph!

...ha ha ha-  Oh.  Well, you know what I mean.  Oh, and just as a sidenote, speaking of Leafs and Meltdowns, I just thought I'd say that the Toronto Sun sure is a subtle publication, isn't it?

The funniest thing is the angle they have him at.  It's hilariously cheap!  And Burkie driving the bus!  I can't stop laughing...

Anyway!  Enough nonsense.  My baseball section seems to have veered away from baseball so let's get this bus back on course, so to speak.


BREAKING BAD

Not Beastie Boys.  Breaking Bad.

Man!  What a great television show.  I think it's a toss up whether Breaking Bad or...

The look on Tori's face: priceless.

...is my favourite (aka. the best) show on television.  However, Breaking Bad is in a category all its own, I think.  It's not the Sopranos.  It's not Boardwalk Empire, or Friends, or Dallas.  It's something totally different.  Ever since Episode One, Season One this show has been an exercise in tension.  It's like a very tightly wound pocket watch that slowly ticks down only to be cranked tight again at just the right time.  It's a slow burning fire.  It's a constant impending dread.  It's the most elegant meltdown I've ever seen on television.

Have you considered an exciting career in high school chemistry?

One of the central themes to this show is the feeling that there is this Pandora's Box.  There's this fight or flight decision that I think we can all relate to where we do something that we don't want to do but feel that we have to for whatever reason and we cross the line.  And once that line is crossed it can never be taken back.  Ever.  Every decision that we make, right or wrong, has been done and we all have to move forward.  In this case, Walt decides to take his knowledge and try to do the right thing for his family, but in doing so he crosses that line and there's no going back.  This show as much as any shows how just taking that first little step across the line can leads to full on meltdown further on down the road.  And there's no turning back.

Ominous.

It is really something to watch this meltdown happen and see things spin further and further out of control.  From one little seed that was planted, so many lives are getting sucked in and down with it.  Never mind that there are guns and drugs and other nasty things, this is some of the best and most well-made television that you will ever, ever see.

And the casting is pitch perfect from top to bottom.  I honestly didn't think Bob Odenkirk had this in him,

Breaking Bad, as much as anything else, is meltdown as art.


BLACK FRIDAY

Well, there are probably a lot of Black Fridays, but the one I'm talking about occurred on Friday September 24, 1869.  Oh wait, though.  Before I begin, some mood music.

Operation Grand Slam?  What does this look like?  A Denny's?  No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to order hashbrowns!  Idiot...

Yes, before there was Auric Goldfinger there were the real life evil masterminds of...

"Diamond" Jim Fisk

...and...

Jay Gould

Now these guys were some serious, serious bad dudes.  These two were a combined their experiences as smugglers, grafters, fraudsters, financiers, investors, bribers, railroad barons, and all-around cut-throat money men. Together, and with the help of political puppet-master Boss Tweed, they teamed up to corner the United States gold market.

This picture is a dramatization.  Not actually the gold being cornered.

I know!  It sounds sinister, right?  That's kinda what Goldfinger did, only through nuclear fallout instead of the good old fashioned method of corporate chicanery.  A modern day equivalent would like Warren Buffet and Michael Bloomberg getting together and going out one day and buying up gold.  Then more gold.  Then more gold.  That would drive the price of gold up thirty percent and stock prices across the board drop like a rock.  So then Obama gets worried and orders the powers that be to release some gold from the reserve to bring the prices down.  And did it ever go down.  Once the government gold hit the markets, the price of gold suffered a total meltdown.  Meanwhile, Fisk and Gould sold off their gold, aware of the impending crash and escaped any significant financial hard.  The rest of the marketplace, however... well, let's just say that they don't call it "Black Friday" for nothing.


NETWORK

Oh what I would give to see Peter Mansbridge do this scene live - or something similar.

Have you seen the film "Network" before?  Mmm?  Either way, whether you have or not, it's messed up.  Totally messed up.  To put it briefly, there's this evening news anchor who goes off his rocker and gets fired, but before he's done he has a total meltdown and gives a rant for the ages.  Live.  On-Air.  In front of millions.  At first they want to do the humane thing and just shut him down, but then once they see the ratings they realize that they can put this poor cracked son of a gun to work and milk his lunatic ravings for all they're worth.

At first it looks so campy and far-fetched given that the show was released in 1976.  And old man having his own show, clearly a cushion short of a couch and people just eat it up.  It seems too weird and cynical to be true.  Or is it?  Let's see...

Uh huh.

Mmhmm.

Uh oh.

Aw geez.

Yikes!

Alright, enough already.  Geez.  Yes, the movie was eerily prescient with its take on how brutal and manipulative the fame industry is, and in closing on this subject, one last old lamentable ranting man.

"I put 34 years into this firm, Howard, and now I can't pay my insurance. You can't eat an orange and then throw the peel away - a man is not a piece of fruit."

COMEDIANS

I thought long and hard about actually doing something about a meltdown, like at either Chernobyl or Three Mile Island or Fukoshima, but then I thought against it in a sort of "Nah, that's too easy" kind of way, so instead we get this list here.  Now, to finish it off here one last great meltdown: the comedian.

Herman J. Pennypacker: Wealthy Industrialist

So Michael Richards had a nice little run with his nice little spin off detective show after Seinfeld took its last, terrible bow, but after that bombed (as opposed to simply melting down), he went back to doing standup.  On November 17, 2006 while doing a set at the Laugh Factory some hecklers got the best of him and he lost it.  "Shut up! Fifty years ago we'd have you upside down with a fucking fork up your ass!"  And then he shouted "He's a nigger!" oh, I dunno, a bunch of times trying to explain himself to the audience like that's cool.  And he made reference to lynching.  Not good.  Not good at all.  However, the good news is that he was never seen or heard from again after that.  Well, more or less.  He retired from doing standup (woo!) and then went on a quiet to do some spiritual healing or some such nonsense.  Good for him.  Good for him.  Cause you see, if he couldn't handle a softball outfit like the Laugh Factory, there's no way he could handle the pressure cooker that is...

The two-man roast, sans heartfelt tribute.

And then there's this clown here.

And by "clown" I don't mean funny,  Sure, why not.  Let's get him with a cigar, too.

I won't belabour this one because it was already so expertly belaboured over the past year and, frankly, he's just not worth it.  Suffice to say that he melted down and I'm not so sure he's done yet.  Time will tell.  ...  I wonder if he's got an endorsement from Winners...  Anyway!  And now this guy.

Well, I got a cigarette at least.

Some have called this a meltdown, but I'm not so sure.  Sure, he took off to Africa to find himself spiritually, but unlike Michael Richards it didn't take a horrible embarrassment before he needed to do so.  Instead what it was was that he was offered $50 million to continue work on the Dave Chapelle Show.  And he looked long and hard at the $50 million and in the end he walked away from it.  Now that takes guts.  All kinds of guts.  Turning your back on $50 million takes huge guts, but he did it and that's impressive.  What I see here is not another comedian that had another meltdown, but rather a comedian with a crisis of conscience who followed his heard and said no to the lucrative contract so that he could remain true to himself - very similar to what this guy went through.

Finding him with a cigarette was easy, too.

And that took just as much guts to give up a roughly equivalent amount as well.  Although he wasn't very funny.  At all.  Yeesh.

Anyway, I could go on and on about this, but I think I'll leave it here for now.  Thanks for reading and have a good night!

Potpurri!

Oh, what a week it has been, so let's tee it off and aim for the fairway.


ATTACK OF THE ROBOCALLS

Press '0' at any time to speak to a live agent.

Before this week I had never even heard of the word "Robocalls", and that's saying something because I've worked (and currently work) in call centres for pushing four years now.  I mean, I knew what they were?  Who hasn't heard this?

Here is, ah say, here is your captain speaking.

But here's the word, plastered everywhere in exceptionally bold print.  ROBOCALLS.  Now, if only they could get rid of ROBOFAXES, I'd be just as happy.  How happy?  Somewhere in this ballpark.

PC Load Letter?  Not anymore!

In all seriousness, this is a really deeply unsettling story.  If I were you, I'd read about it.  All about it.  I won't really comment on it because it's such a fluid, changing story and there's just so much going on that it's not worth it.  However, I will say this.

I am really saddened by this - not by the electoral fraud or lies and accusations or spin or cover-up.  I mean, that's Ottawa.  You do what you can to make right, you know?  I'm just really bummed (more about bums up next, by the way) because I have so many really great memories of the six months I lived in Guelph.  It's a really great place, about half the size of Regina with a formidable university and exceptional transit services.  Nice shiny malls, a whole bunch of history, the Speed River cutting through town under the Edinburgh Rd. bridge and lovely bowling greens and gazebos.  It's just a really nice place, and I remember it well, and I'm just so bummed that had I have still been living there, I would have been called on election day by Elections Canada and notified that my polling station had changed.  I would have leapt onto the bus, gone to work in the morning on election day, worked, and hopped a bus back downtown for the polling station - that wasn't there. 

Someone just lied to me.  I mean, I just got a call this morning from someone saying that they were Elections Canada, but they weren't.  Their whole intent was to deceive me in the hopes that, geez, it's a quarter after 5:00 and I gotta go run for groceries yet and then we're going out to Wimpy's and then the polls are all closed.

See that bench there?  In Wimpy's?  In Guelph?  Second from the end on the right?  Raccoon Inc. was there!

Damn it!  And my vote's gone.  Spoiled.  I would be one less opposition (make no mistake) vote.  My vote was stolen, because one less opposition vote is just as good as one Conservative vote.  And I'd be pretty pissed, because I take my civic duties seriously.  Voting, jury duty, all that fun stuff.  Canada's a great place, but you get what you put in, and so yes, I'd be pissed.  And saddened, too.  This is a dark week for democracy here and a new low for our government.  Every time I think that there's a bottom here somewhere, they scrape deeper into the mud.


OH I ALWAYS MEET MY BODHISATTVAS IN THE STREET!

Moody blue to the extreme.

So earlier this week I finished reading Machiavelli's "Discourses" and I poked around my study for something new to read at night.  I was kinda beat from reading Machiavelli, Aquinas (at great length), Russel, and mystery novels from Stout and LeBlanc, so I thought it might be nice for a change of pace, and lo and behold, I've still got that old copy of "The Dharma Bums" sitting around.  I'm about six chapters in now and I'm hooked.  Mind you, not so much for the content of the work but for the style.  There's something that's just absolutely awesome about Jack's style, but I want to say this first.

I would not eat them in a box either, man.  We're all in a box, though, in some way.  Free your mind!

At no point ever anywhere have I seen Jack wear a beret.
At no point ever anywhere have I seen Jack wear a turtleneck.
At no point ever anywhere have I seen Jack wear sunglasses.
At no point ever anywhere have I seen Jack wear a beard.
The classic image of the beatnik really doesn't have much to do with the whole vibe that was their founding fathers.  Indeed, Jack's books paint a much different picture.  Rather than a pack of pretentious hipsters a la...

I LEFT THE OCEAN.  IT'S TOO CURRENT.

.., what you get is something far more spiritual and meaningful.  You get asceticism and sincerity in his words.  You get this yearning for the meaning of human experience, and it's all tied together with his style of writing.  It's not quite a stream of consciousness, but close.  It's kind of like this sort of bare bones retelling of these stories on box cars, in shacks, on trails, guzzling wine, having sex, and all this intimate stuff.  In fact, that's the word that I would use.  It's a very intimate look at cross-section of one generation's yearning for expression and spirituality presented in a most intuitive way.

As a last word on this, take a look at any top 50, or even top 25 American books ever written.  Chances are Kerouac is on there at least once, and richly deserved I might add.  You may say, pfeh!  American...  My rebuttal to that would be, fear not!  Both his parents were Quebecois.  Dig it.


NERD: A CONUNDRUM

Alright.  Time for a thought experiment.  Now follow along carefully - there will be a test at the end.  Ready?

Male nerd.

Female nerd.

Male nerd.  (This is not a younger picture of me, I swear.)

Female nerd.

Male nerd.

Female nerd.

And now for the test:

Could someone please explain to me why male nerds are dorky and female nerds are sexy?

Well, I'd ask the guy who invented the word, but he passed away in 1991.  Yes, Theodor "Dr. Seuss" Geisel invented the word "nerd" in 1950 in the book "If I Ran The Zoo".  However, "nerd" didn't start meaning, well, nerd until the 1970's.  Until then you were just square, daddy-o.  I guess the world may never know.


THE CASE OF THE NARCOLEPTIC NINCOMPOOP

Now if it was more like this, it'd be way easier to stay awake!

And now for the curious case of Rob Anders.  I'm just gonna start unloading with both barrels now if you don't mind.

How easy is it to be an Alberta MP?!  You're gonna get 80% of the vote every time out (since Landslide Annie) because those dopes are damn bullheaded to get it through their thick skulls that competition is good for business.  So now you get this clown here, Rob Anders, Honourable Member for Calgary Whatever, falling asleep in Parliament.

Initially my reaction was something like this: Falling asleep in Parliament?!  I get that it's boring as anything, but for God's sake, you're being paid a king's ransom to be there.  Well, maybe not a king's ransom, but his salary could easily vouchsafe an earl, baron, or viscount.  I guarantee it.  So he sits there and nods off, but you know what?  Honestly, deep down, if someone's droning on about something asinine, I have no issue with that at all.  I fell asleep in physics before.  I fell asleep on a bus ride across town before.  That's fine.  That's a human thing as much as it is anything.

But then when you do it again this week at a House of Commons committee (which again, is fine), and then deny it, now I get pissed.  If you fall asleep in a committee room, surrounded by people, and then deny it when you have a gaggle of witnesses, and then you turn around and blame the accuser of lying because he has NDP ties, then buddy you're worse than sleepyhead.  You're an unethical liar.

What the hell is wrong with these people?!  You know, here in the real world, when we make a mistake, we apologize for it.  You don't go around accusing people when we get caught red handed, and you sure as hell don't need a statement crafted by the Prime Minister's Office in order to convey that apology when you eventually get around to it, either.  What kind of dolts are running this place these days?!  Honestly!  It really, really makes me mad when you can't do such a simple thing as apologizing if you screw up, and the lengths that people will go to avoid apologizing are just extraordinary!  It's boggling.  It really is.

Ach!  Enough.  On to the next one.


OFF WITH HIS HEAD!

Smile for the birdie!

Now, I've done my fair share of slagging Ron Wilson in this blog, and as it turns out that I'm not alone in my opinion.  This week saw the fans at the Air Canada Centre in Toronto chanting "FI-RE WIL-SON!", and if you know Toronto crowds it's hard enough to get them to yawn let alone get them engaged in the game.  After going 1-9-1 in his last several games (ouch, by the way), slagging his goalies publicly along the way and otherwise having a "meh" attitude about things, enough was enough.  You know, I got one prophecy right and one prophecy wrong.  I was absolutely correct in assuming that the contract extension would prove to be a sweet severance package, but wrong that they would go with someone other than Randy Carlyle.

On the other hand, though, I do feel sorry for him.  How responsible could a coach possibly be for a god awful team.  I mean, this is not Emilio Estevez in the Mighty Ducks we're talking about here.  These are your Toronto Maple Loafs.

On yet another hand, the great province of Saskatchewan has no hockey team, so it's easy as hell to slag the life outta everyone else's teams.  Fun, too.  But if Saskatoon gets this team they're wanting...  Meh, I'll still like baseball better.

And that's all the time we have for tonight, daddy-o.  Stay cool, man, practice your ohm omne padme ohms, and feel free to trash your young goalies in front of the cameras.  Try to stay awake unless you're trying to sleep, and don't forget that this is the age of the geek.  Oh, and if a robot calls, go run pick up your nearest Asimov novel, fry his circuits with a nifty logical paradox, and stick it to those dirty rotten cheaters.  Good night!